


I Ask If I'll Grow Old

by pantheon_of_discord



Series: Season 13 Codas [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Dreams, Episode: s13e11 Breakdown, M/M, Pillow Talk, Soft boys being soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 14:52:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13483809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pantheon_of_discord/pseuds/pantheon_of_discord
Summary: “D’you think we’re gonna die doing this job? Think we’ll end bloody?”“Yes,” Cas says promptly, not looking up. “Of course we will.”





	I Ask If I'll Grow Old

“D’you think we’re gonna die doing this job? Think we’ll end bloody?”

“Yes,” Cas says promptly, not looking up. “Of course we will.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Well don’t sugar coat it.”

Cas’ fingers pause their light tracing of Dean’s upper arm. He angles his head up, tangle of dark hair wild against the pillows. “What is it?”

“I mean really,” Dean says, absently trailing his own hand along Cas’ bare side. “You think one day we’re just gonna be taken out by some fang or ghost or whatever?”

Cas gives him a look. “Knowing you, I think it’s infinitely more likely we’ll die in a ‘blaze of glory,’ as it were. Eventually one of these apocalypses will catch up with us.”

“You’re a real ray of sunshine, you know that?”

Cas squints. “You’re the one who’s been saying this for years.”

“Well yeah, I know,” Dean says, withdrawing his hand and leaning away to look at the ceiling.

Cas lets him go, but furrows his brow. “What is it?” he repeats.

“I dunno,” Dean says, shaking his head a little. “Somethin’ Sam was saying the other day. He said we get people killed. He said no matter what we try to do, we’re gonna end bad.”

Cas leans up on one elbow, and the sheet falls a bit, pooling around his hips. “Well, he’s probably right.”

Glaring, Dean looks over. “You’re doing a terrible job cheering me up, here.”

Cas looks confused. “I’m supposed to be cheering you up?”

“ _Jeez,_ Cas.” Dean rolls his eyes again, hard enough his entire head flops back down onto the pillow. “Is that how _you_ wanna go?”

“Well, yeah, I suppose it is. It’s the only way I’ve ever imagined it. I don’t get sick, I can’t die of old age. How else am I going to die?”

Dean’s eyes close. “I dunno. I guess. . .” He trails off, shaking his head slightly.

Suddenly Cas’ hand is warm on his cheek, and Dean’s eyes flutter open again. “Tell me.”

“It’s nothing, Cas. I dunno, I guess I’ve just been having all these dumb ideas lately.”

The corner of Cas’ mouth tilts up wryly. “I think statistically, your dumb ideas have a relatively high success rate.”

Dean answers the smile with a slight one of his own. His heart hammers in his chest, but he takes a breath and forces it out. “Dying in a blaze of glory was a whole lot more appealing when I didn’t have you.”

Cas’ smile turns soft, and a little sad.

But Dean pushes on, speaking down to the bedspread. “I still want the job. I still want to do this. I’ll do it until I can’t anymore. But, I guess I’ve started thinking about living _after_ the job. Things I could do when I’m too old for this. Maybe gettin’ a garage, fixing up cars. Maybe I’d try to pick up guitar again. Maybe I’ll just sit on a porch with a beer in my hand. . .” He finds Cas’ eyes. “Next to you.”

“That’s a nice idea,” Cas says, lips still curved in that gentle smile. “I think I’d like that.”

Dean blushes, but smiles back.

“You have to find me first, though,” Cas says, and then he’s gone.

Dean blinks into the semi-darkness of his empty bedroom. The sheets on his left are smooth and even. Undisturbed, as though Cas was never there.

Which of course he wasn’t, Dean thinks, running a hand down his face from forehead to chin.

His dreams aren’t usually that vivid.

He reaches across to the night stand to grab his phone. It’s 5:21am.

Thumbing open his contacts, he scrolls down and hovers over Cas’ name for only a moment before hitting call.

Predictably, it rings out. Dean doesn’t bother leaving a message and climbs out of bed.

He tries to ignore the pit in his stomach.

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY I'M READY TO HAVE CAS BACK NOW PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
> 
> Anyway, here is [my tumblr](https://pantheonofdiscord.tumblr.com). It's waiting for you.


End file.
